A journal published by Russia’s Ministry of Defence became the subject of mockery this week after publishing claims that “Russian specialists” have communicated with dolphins, crashed computer programs, and even looked into safes using the power of telepathy.

As first highlighted by Russian media outlet RBC, the February issue of Army Collection featured a story titled “The Super-Soldier of Future Wars.” In it, reserve colonel Nikolai Poroskov detailed a variety of bizarre abilities related to “parapsychology,” a science once used by “Babylonian priests.”

According to Poroskov, Russian special forces in Chechnya employed these parapsychological techniques, which he elsewhere compared to “superpowers.” From Army Collection:

The uninitiated know little about this unique technology.

But one aspect is clear—telepathic contact.

They mentally gave the animals commands that they performed.

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