The secret to improving sex life

How to enjoy more sex

Close-up shot of woman sitting on man's lap, her face facing him, affectionate look on both of their faces

Whether the problem is big or small, there are many things you can do to get your sex life back on track. Sexual health is closely related to overall mental, physical and emotional health. Communicate with your partner, maintain a healthy lifestyle, use some of the many excellent self-help materials on the market, and having fun can help you through difficult times.

Enjoy a satisfying sex life

gender. This word can evoke a kaleidoscope of people. From love, excitement and tenderness to longing, anxiety and disappointment, the response is as diverse as the sexual experience itself. Moreover, in the course of decades of sex life, many people will encounter all these emotions, as well as many other emotions.

But is it really sex?

To some extent, sex is just another bodily function driven by hormones designed to perpetuate the species. Of course, this narrow view underestimates the complexity of human sexual response. In addition to the biochemical forces at work, your experience and expectations also help shape your sexual desire. Your understanding of yourself as a sex life, your perception of what constitutes a satisfying sexual relationship, and your relationship with your partner are key factors in developing and maintaining the ability to have a fulfilling sex life.

Talk to your partner

Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex even in the best of circumstances. When sexual problems occur, feelings of hurt, shame, inwardness, and dissatisfaction may prevent the conversation altogether. Because good communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is not only the first step to improving your sex life, but also the first step to building a closer emotional bond. Here are some tips for solving this sensitive subject.

Find the right time to talk. There are two types of sexual conversations: sexual conversations you have in the bedroom and elsewhere. It is appropriate to tell your partner how to feel good during sex, but it is best to wait until you are in a more neutral environment to discuss bigger issues, such as mismatched sexual desire or distressed orgasm.

Avoid criticism. Recommend suggestions in a positive way, such as: "I really like it when you gently stroke my hair" instead of focusing on the negatives. Treat sex as a problem that needs to be solved together, rather than assigning responsibilities to others.

Talk to your partner about the changes in your body. If hot flashes make you wake up at night or menopause make your vagina dry, talk to your partner about these things. It is much better to explain these physical changes as a lack of interest than to say that he knows what is actually happening. Likewise, if you are a man and you no longer have an erection just because of sexual desire, tell your partner how to stimulate you instead of letting her believe that she is not attractive enough.

to be honest. You may think that you are protecting your partner's feelings by pretending to have an orgasm, but in reality, you started on a slippery slope. It is as challenging as talking about any sexual problem, but once the problem is covered by years of lies, hurt, and resentment, the difficulty level will soar.

Don't equate love with sex

Create a caring and gentle atmosphere; touch and kiss frequently. Don't blame yourself or your partner for your sexual difficulties. Instead, focus on maintaining emotional and physical intimacy in your relationships. For older couples, another potentially sensitive topic worth discussing is what happens after a partner dies. Among couples who have a healthy sex life, the surviving partner may wish to find a new partner. Keeping an open mind to this possibility while you two are still alive may reduce your inner feelings and ease the pain of your partner who survives later.

Use self-help strategies

Now, therapeutic problems are easier than ever. If you need revolutionary medicines and professional sex therapists, you can be there. However, you can solve minor sexual problems through some adjustments in sex. You can try some of the following methods at home.

Self-education. There are a lot of good self-help materials for each type of sexual problem. Browse the Internet or your local bookstore, pick some resources that apply to you, and use them to help you and your partner understand the problem better. If direct conversation is too difficult, you and your partner can underline the paragraphs you particularly like and show each other.

Privacy issues and internet use

The Internet is a valuable source of all types of information, including books and other products that can improve your sex life (such as sex toys). Although this is obvious, never use your workplace computer for this type of search to avoid the embarrassing situation of employers who might be tracking your search history. Even people who are upset about using home computers and credit cards to order sex-related information or products online can find nearby stores (especially in major cities) and pay in cash.

Give yourself some time. As you get older, your sexual response slows down. You and your partner can increase your chances of success by looking for a quiet, comfortable, and non-disturbing sex environment. In addition, please understand that physical changes in your body mean that you will need more time to be stimulated and reach orgasm. Think about it, it's not a bad thing to spend more time making love. Incorporating these physical necessities into your sex habits can open the door to new types of sexual experiences.

Use lubrication. Usually, the vaginal dryness at the beginning of the perimenopausal period can be easily corrected with lubricating fluids and gels. Using these things casually can avoid painful sex, a problem that may exacerbate decreased libido and tension in interpersonal relationships. When the lubricant no longer works, discuss other options with your doctor.

Maintain physical feelings. Even if you are tired, nervous or upset about the problem, kissing and hugging are essential to maintain emotional and physical bonds.

Practice touching. The sensory-focused techniques used by sex therapists can help you re-establish physical intimacy without feeling stressed. Many self-help books and educational videos provide various forms of these exercises. You may also want to ask your partner to touch you in the way you want to be moved. This will give you a better idea of how much pressure you should use, from mild to firm.

Try different positions. The repertoire of developing different sexual desires not only increases the interest in sex, but also helps overcome problems. For example, when a man enters his partner from behind, the stimulation of the G-spot increases, which can help a woman achieve orgasm.

G point

The G-spot or Grafenberg's point is named after the first discovered by a gynecologist. It is a pile of super-sensitive spongy tissue located at the top of the vagina, which is the entrance. Proper stimulation of the G-spot will produce a strong orgasm. Due to its hard-to-reach location and the fact that manual stimulation is most successful, most women do not routinely activate the G-spot during vaginal intercourse. Although this makes some skeptics doubt its existence, research shows that other types of organizations do exist in this location.

You must be sexually stimulated to find your G-spot. To find it, try rubbing your fingers along the top of the vagina in a beckoning motion while squatting or sitting, or have your partner massage the upper surface of the vagina until you find a particularly sensitive area. Some women tend to be more sensitive and can easily find the area, but for others it is difficult.

If you can't find it easily, don't worry. During sexual intercourse, many women believe that when a man enters from behind, the G-spot is the easiest to stimulate. For couples dealing with erectile problems, participating in G-spot games can play a positive role in promoting sex.

The combination of oral stimulation of the clitoris and manual stimulation of the G-spot can make women have a strong orgasm.

Write down your fantasy. This exercise can help you explore activities that may be helpful to you or your partner. Try to think about the experience or movie that caused you, and then share your memory with your partner. This is especially useful for people with low cravings.

Do Kegel exercises. Both men and women can exercise their pelvic floor muscles to improve their sexual adaptability. To perform these exercises, tighten the muscles you want to use as you try to stop urine halfway through. Keep contracting for two or three seconds, then release. Repeat 10 times. Try to do five sets a day. These exercises can be performed anywhere-while driving, sitting at a desk or standing at the cash register. At home, women can use vaginal weights to increase muscle resistance. Talk to your doctor or sex therapist about where to get these medicines and how to use them.

Try to relax. Do some soothing things together before sex, such as playing games or going out for dinner. Or try relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises or yoga.

Use a vibrator. The device can help a woman understand her sexual response and allow her to show her partner what she likes.

Don't give up If your efforts don't seem to work, please don't give up hope. Your doctor can usually determine the cause of sexual problems and may be able to find effective treatments. He or she can also keep you in touch with a sex therapist, who can help you explore issues that may hinder a fulfilling sex life.

keep healthy

Sexual health is closely related to overall mental, physical and emotional health. Therefore, the same healthy habits that you rely on to maintain good health can also shape your sex life.

Exercise, exercise, exercise

Among the healthy behaviors that can improve sexual function, physical exercise is the most important. Since physical arousal depends largely on good blood flow, aerobic exercise (which strengthens the heart and blood vessels) is essential. Exercise can not only prevent heart disease, osteoporosis and some forms of cancer, it can also improve your mood and help you get a better sleep, which brings many other health benefits. Also, don't forget to include strength training.

Don't smoke. Smoking can cause peripheral vascular disease, which affects the blood flow to the penis, clitoris, and vaginal tissues. In addition, smoking women had menopause two years earlier than non-smokers. If you need help to quit smoking, try using nicotine gum or patches, or ask your doctor about bupropion (Zyban) or varenicline (Chantix).

Use alcohol in moderation. Some men with erectile dysfunction find that having a drink can help them relax, but heavy drinking can make the situation worse. Alcohol will dull the central nervous system, thereby inhibiting sexual reflexes. Long-term heavy drinking can damage the liver and increase the production of estrogen in men. In women, alcohol can cause hot flashes and disrupt sleep, exacerbating the existing problems of menopause.

Eat well and drink well. Excessive indulgence of fatty foods can lead to hyperlipidemia and obesity, which are the main risk factors for cardiovascular disease. In addition, being overweight can cause drowsiness and poor body image. Increased libido is usually an added benefit of losing these extra weight.

Use it or lose it. When estrogen declines during menopause, the vaginal wall loses some elasticity. You can slow down this process and even reverse it through sex. If you cannot have sexual intercourse, masturbation is equally effective, although for women, masturbation is most effective if you use a vibrator or dildo (an object similar to a penis) to help stretch the vagina. For men, a long period of non-erection will deprive the penis of part of the oxygen-rich blood needed for good sexual function. As a result, something similar to scar tissue is formed in muscle cells, which interferes with the ability of the penis to expand when blood flow increases.

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