Aunt (mother’s sister) : you are 28 , soon going to be 30 and single.
Anita: yes aunty I am 28 and am single and it will take me 2 more years or 24 months to turn 30. Don’t you remember I celebrated my 28th birthday just a week back. You make me sound like I need to give up on life (laughs out loud)
Aunt : yes the point is you are 28 and are single. You better find someone or else it will be difficult to find as you grow older.
Anita: I will not agree about it being difficult to find someone as I grow older and wait, I am only 28. Having said this, yes I am looking out, I have signed up on few Indian matchmaking sites, though I have to admit I am not looking consciously.
Aunt : Well you better get serious about finding a life-partner while you have time on your side.
Anita: Time? What do you mean while I have time?
Aunt : You will turn 30 soon and it will be difficult to find a match.
Anita (All confused): whats this magic number – can one not find a partner when one is in their 30’s or above?
Aunt – yes, kind off. In fact, by 30 couples have both their children. And look at you, no boy in sight. Your mother had both you and your brother by the time she was 23.
Anita : Aunty, slow down, breathe. Mommy and you got married when you were 20 years and were managing home and children by 23, here I am 28 and yes though I am ready for a committed relationship I still am finding what I want to do in life. Besides I do know what qualities I want in my life-partner and am on a look-out.
Aunt (Nodding her head in despair): I cannot understand what do you mean ‘know what I want in my lifepartner’. Your generation overthinks too much.
Anita : yes, you may be right, we may overthink at times but I know when it comes to a serious relationship I do have some deal-breakers and I am confident I will meet someone who will match my thoughts and if it means to meet him at 32 so be it (and she smiles). My issue is where or which Indian dating site do I sign up on because all the ones that are available is full of those who catfish and fake profiles and the discussion is more around physical traits.
Aunt : so what are you looking for, what does your bucket list read like.
Anita : I will love to share it with you as long as there will be no judgements or you going all hyper and binding me under the garb of tradition which I think is poor and deep societal conditioning.
Aunt (rolls her eyes, breathes heavily) : sure, tell me, I am all ears.
Anita: before I share my bucket list, I want to ask your views about me. Do you think I am respectful?
Aunt : Yes you are, and you happen to be my first born niece, you hold a very special place in my heart.
Anita: great, my next question, do you think I am caring and have decent values imbibed in me?
Aunt – Yes you are caring and you are a role model for all the younger kids in the family.
Anita: does it make me a ‘bad’ girl if I enjoy my drinks.
Aunt: You know my views on drinking, while I do not promote it, I know you enjoy yours and no, it does not make you a bad person. Hold on, why are you asking me these questions? You know I am extremely fond of you and in fact you are also my go to person when I have something to. I am confused where is this leading to? How is it associated with our main topic of you getting in a serious relationship?
Anita: Aunty all what I have asked you is leading up to me getting into a discussion around me being in a committed relationship. Bear with me, I have a few more questions to ask.
Aunt (rolling her eyes) : OK carry on.
Anita: Aunty, now we know that I am your favourite niece and also a role model in the family (gives a naughty smile) , how will you react if I tell you I do want to marry but before I commit to marriage I will like a long courtship with my prospect partner where we live as companions – he lives in his home and I live in mine. We meet as a couple, we meet with our families and share friends, routine things that couples do.
Aunt: you are confusing me, what is this companionship and why?
Anita : Aunty, will you like me to be in one relationship for a long time (or life-long) or will you want me to marry because I am expected to and then get to know my partner to realise we are not a match. I know you will pick the former. Yes, ofcourse I understand when two people decide to be a couple there are shared goals and not shared goals. And there are compromises to be made from both sides. For me I am good and prepared for all of this, but I will want to be with a life-partner where say 80% of our goals are common – and for the remaining 20% I am willing to compromise.
Aunt (very confused) – what do you mean by shared goals?
Anita: Aunty don’t blow your top when I tell you that I will like adopt, and also give up my high-paying but stressful job to manage a home and start something of mine from home. In fact I am contemplating quitting my job in the next 6-9 months.
Aunt (she had many questions running in her hear): You are confusing me - why do you want to leave your job? Don’t you want to be financially independent? Why did your parents spend so much on your education sending you to America to study? And why do you want to adopt, what if the prospect partner does not want to. Oh Anita, you are confusing and even scaring me.
Anita : Aunty Breathe…its not as complicated as you think. Yes, I want to be financially independent. You know I take singling classes; I want to invest my time in doing that than doing what I am at work. Besides home making also takes a lot of time and energy and I have a dream for the kind of home I want to build. Secondly, mom dad did invest in me providing the best of education, allowing me to travel around the world and doing so has opened my perspective towards life and I hold that very close to me than the degrees I obtained. And ofcourse I can always get back to a job if I don’t enjoy homemaking but how will I know what I really want if I don’t try and I want to meet someone with whom I can discuss my dreams and have him support while I support his.
As for children, I am OK having my own but my preference is to adopt and this I will like to discuss with my life-partner. I am not trying to be radical here, all I am saying is I am looking to meet someone with whom I can have real discussions and take it from there and unfortunately I don’t find any available dating site or dating app or matrimonial apps allowing this sort of conversation and nor do I find you or parents having this conversation with the boys family letting them know I will want answers to this.
Aunt : Oh Anita, you make finding a partner so tough and highly impossible. Hey wait let me look into my friends group whatsapp, someone the other day shared a message about new dating site which is breaking barriers around taboos while have retaining relationship values. Here you go it is called andwemet.com
Anita: I like the name andwemet, will give It a look, how about both of us looking at it right now. Before we do so can I hug you tight and then go and pour myself a drink. Hmm shall I make you one too (wink).
One of the best high end matrimonial services has to be MatchMe.
A place where you can find the love of your life through personalised matchmaking.
The founders and their team is changing the way people choose their partners.
It is changing the idea of matchmaking.
Kavya asked her parents to find a partner for her.
She had her share of fun and casual relationships and was not keen to get in a serious relationship.
She was also keen to find an Indian as a partner, it did not matter to her if he was a citizen or not, but she wanted him to be living and working in the US.Kavya was born and brought up in America, she was 30 years old and had been visiting India every year since she was 2.
She was OK with a long-distance relationship to start with but was sure that her future partner should be working and living in America.Kavya did sign up on dating apps as Hinge, Coffee with Bagel which gave her access to men from all ethnicities which was great but not for her as she knew about her filter criteria so these dating apps became a bit of a chore when it came to looking for what she wanted.
She also signed up on Shaadi a legacy Indian matrimonial site but did not enjoy the sign-up process, so she reached out to her mother to do a search for her.Her mother agreed and said she would spread the word around among family and friends to suggest prospect matches if they knew of any, but also started going online to look out for new Indian dating sites, sites that cater to Indians 30 and above in the hope to find something.
In her search, the mother came across andwemet – her curiosity made her sign in.
