Prince Harry has said he wants to break the cycle of “genetic pain” in the royal family, during his first major interview since his sit-down with Oprah.Harry joined the Armchair Expert podcast with hosts Dax Shepard and Monica Padman, and revealed he wanted to leave royal life in his 20s, calling it a cross between living in The Truman Show and a zoo.Speaking about his upbringing, he said: “There is no blame. I don’t think we should be pointing the finger or blaming anybody, but certainly when it comes to parenting, if I’ve experienced some form of pain or suffering because of the pain or suffering that perhaps my father or my parents had suffered, I’m going to make sure I break that cycle so that I don’t pass it on, basically.“It’s a lot of genetic pain and suffering that gets passed on anyway, so we as parents should be doing the most we can to try and say ‘you know what, that happened to me, I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen to you’.”We asked two counselling psychologists what we need to know about “genetic pain”. What is ‘genetic pain’? Instead of “genetic pain,” Jo Coker, a counselling psychologist who works with the College of Sex and Relationship Therapy, prefers the term ”unresolved intergenerational trauma”. “There’s growing evidence that there’s possibly some genetic link to intergenerational trauma, but that’s at a very early stage,” she tells HuffPost UK. “I think Prince Harry may have just cottoned onto that term, but it’s perhaps not a term we would tend to use.”Intergenerational trauma is when somebody has had a traumatic event in their childhood – or an experience they didn’t enjoy or didn’t like – and they go on to repeat that same pattern with their children, she explains. “Even with every intention to do things differently, people tend to repeat history,  because that’s the pattern that exists,” says Coker. “It’s a bit like when people who have a poor [romantic] relationship say: ’I’m never going to repeat a relationship like that again’, and then they go on to have a relationship exactly like that again. We all tend to repeat patterns that have been set for us.”How does intergenerational trauma manifest?There aren’t a series of tick-boxes you can check to see if your family is impacted by intergenerational trauma or genetic pain, says counselling psychologist Dr Chloe Paidoussis Mitchell. “It’s often invisible, and can cause mental health difficulties such as anxiety, depression and addiction issues,” she tells HuffPost UK. “Often, children carrying the wounds of generational patterns feel very low self-worth and self-esteem, and because there’s no obvious cause, they don’t understand it and try and mask it, or avoid facing it.”This trauma, or pain, can be very destabilising and impact a person’s sense of wellbeing and happiness over a number of years, she adds. “Therapy to heal genetic pain involves learning to build a positive relationship with oneself and awareness of what has contributed to this pain.” How to break the cycleBoth experts agree avoiding blame is key to breaking the cycle. Cross generational trauma is “unintentional and unconscious” and “distressing for all parties” in almost every case, says Dr Paidoussis Mitchell. “Stopping the patterns doesn’t mean rejecting parents or accusing them,” she adds. “To stop patterns from being repeated, it’s important to do this from a place of compassion, not judgment and rage, so you’re sure you’re not unconsciously enacting a pattern of repressed anger to your own children.”Learning about the historical context of your parent’s (or grandparent’s) experience can help you to approach the topic with more neutrality, says Coker.“For example, if we go back to the previous century and look at the 1920s, 1930s and 1940s, people would send their children halfway across the world to boarding school and not see them for a year, but we would consider that pretty barbaric now,” she says. Stopping the patterns doesn’t mean rejecting parents or accusing them.Counselling psychologist Dr Chloe Paidoussis Mitchell“So you also have to see trauma in the context of history. If you’re trying to recover from intergenerational trauma, you need to be able to understand the events that happened, not just see it in isolation and in the context of today’s world. What sounds unacceptable today may have been acceptable then.”Talking to your parents or grandparents about their childhood is the first, obvious step to greater understanding of historical context. “It’s all about having sensitive conversations about childhood with all generations in the spirit of love and care, rather than rejection and judgment,” says Dr Paidoussis Mitchell. “People make mistakes and parenting is always about being good enough.” Making an active choice to confront these troubling memories and break a cross generation pattern “takes courage and can be very destabilising for the whole family,” she adds. Professional guidance is often advisable, so intentions are properly validated and understood.Useful websites and helplinesMind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email [email protected] Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on MORE:Prince Harry Says He Already Wanted To Leave Royal Life In His 20sPrince Harry Nails Why You Shouldn't Say 'You Need Help' To Someone Struggling'All Too Familiar': Why Black British Women Relate Hard To Meghan MarkleMen Journal, Too – And They’re Starting To Talk About ItPrince Harry Reveals His Early Secret Meetup With Meghan Markle
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So often, the habits that experts recommend to increase happiness aren’t compatible with actual daily life. Who has time to sit down for an extended meditation session when you’re juggling 1,000 different things? Fortunately, there is plenty you can do to boost your well-being throughout the day in just a few minutes. Here are five research-backed happiness “hacks” that take five minutes or less, but pay dividends all day long. 1. Tackle your hardest task.Loretta Graziano Breuning, founder of Inner Mammal Institute and author of “Habits of a Happy Brain,” believes that humans can essentially rewire their brains. How so? By understanding that we have certain “happy chemicals” that were inherited from earlier mammals — and using that knowledge to develop habits that turn those chemicals on.One of those chemicals is dopamine, which Breuning describes as “a sense of accomplishment,” and you can stimulate dopamine by going straight at your most difficult task of the day — ideally pretty early on. Have an email you’ve been putting off? A particularly challenging stretch of child care? A deadline you need to hit, or a difficult conversation you’ve been putting off? Tackle it first.(If the task you’re taking on isn’t something you can complete in five minutes or less, break it into smaller chunks. Then start with one.)Ultimately, the goal is to “focus on a specific target,” Breuning said, and to celebrate yourself when you’re done. It might feel counterintuitive to tackle a hard task when you’re looking for a feeling of happiness, but stimulating dopamine in your brain can help keep you humming along (and feeling proud of yourself!) all day long. 2. Take 10 deep breaths.In a December study led by a team of researchers with the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Center for Healthy Minds, experts broke down the four pillars they believe are essential to cultivating mental well-being: awareness, connection, insight and purpose. All these sound pretty lofty, but the pillars can be broken down into small daily habits that, over time, train the brain.When it comes to awareness, for example, one of the simplest exercises to try is just breathing. Close your eyes and focus on the act of taking 10 breaths, the researchers suggested. That’s it! (Or consider 4-7-8 breathing. Or roll breathing. Or any of the hundreds of other types of focused breathing. Just find one or two methods that feel good to you so you’ll actually stick to it.) Ultimately, research really does show how powerful mindfulness meditation can help to lessen feelings of anxiety and stress both in the moment and in the longer term. But the good news is that you don’t need to spend a huge chunk of your day doing it.3. Listen to a happy song. (Bonus points for dancing!)When you’re exhausted or dragging, press play on an upbeat song. Research shows hearing happy music is on par with mindfulness meditation.For example, in a 2016 study of older adults with Alzheimer’s, listening to music improved their sense of well-being and mood and lowered their feelings of stress. On the other end of the spectrum, studies have shown that singing to babies in the NICU helps to keep them “quietly alert” and reduced parental stress. Bonus points for dancing or moving your body along with the music, which can help increase your energy levels even further while zapping stress. 4. For a few minutes, focus on the people who’ve got your back.According to Breuning, another key “happy chemical” is oxytocin, which people tend to think of as the love hormone, though she thinks of it as more closely tied to feelings of trust. To stimulate oxytocin quickly, she recommended thinking about the people you trust. Ask yourself: “If I need support, who will be there?” Breuning said.You might go ahead and connect with that person by sending them a quick text or giving them a call, (or if you’re together at home, giving them a quick hug). And those simple moments of social connection with someone you love and admire are a big-time happiness booster.But just thinking about who is in your “herd” can be enough, Breuning said. It stimulates your brain’s oxytocin, which helps you feel safe and secure. 5. Do something kind for someone. (Or just think kind thoughts!)Research shows that daily acts of kindness are a simple way to boost happiness and they don’t have to be big. What matters is that you’re deliberate about it. “Intentionally set a goal to be kinder to others,” experts at the Mayo Clinic suggest. “Express sincerely felt kindness to a co-worker. Make a special effort to extend kind words to a neighbour. Hold the elevator for someone or take time to help a loved one.”Experts also now understand that it can be equally powerful (at least from a happiness-boosting perspective) to simply spend some time cultivating a sense of kindness toward someone in your own head — whether or not that person even knows it.The Center for Healthy Minds recommended thinking about things you admire about that person. Then “recall situations where they expressed these qualities and then imagine expressing your appreciation,” the group noted. “You can then extend this to people you don’t know very well and eventually even to people you find challenging.”By spending some time sending happy thoughts someone else’s way, you’ll bring a bit of joy into your own life. Related...7 Ways To Undo The Brain Fog You're Feeling Because Of The PandemicHow To Mentally Prepare To Work From Home For GoodMen Journal, Too – And They’re Starting To Talk About It
“I was gasping for air. I felt completely suffocated,” says Natalie Titherington, 29, from Oldham, who was forced to wear a face mask while she have birth to her daughter last December. “I’m never going to be able to forget the feeling of not being able to breathe, and the fear and panic I felt while wearing a mask.”Guidance from the Royal College of Midwives and the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists says women shouldn’t be asked to wear any kind of facial covering during childbirth – whether a vaginal labour or caesarean birth –  because of the risk of harm and complications.But a new report by BBC News and the charity Pregnant Then Screwed has found that hundreds of women in the UK were made to wear a face mask while giving birth last year.Out of 936 women surveyed who gave birth during December 2020, 160 women said they were told to wear a face mask during labour.Titherington says she was made to wear a face mask while she was in advanced labour, around 8cm dilated and having regular and very painful contractions. “Someone put the mask on me and I said ‘you can’t be serious’, and she replied ‘yes’, and then I remember having a contraction,” she recalls. “My body was already in a state of distress, and I tried to remove the mask at one point, but I was told I had to put it back on.”She needed an emergency caesarean and was forced to wear the mask during the entire surgery. Titherington has three children and this was her seventh pregnancy, but she tells HuffPost UK giving birth to her youngest daughter was the most terrifying experience of her life. She’s been unable to wear a face mask since, because even the sight of them is triggering. “Seeing a mask reminds me of labour and the suffocation I endured,” says Titherington, who’s now exempt from wearing a mask. “The panic is something that still stays with me, it is something that flashes back as the worst fear I have been through.” The guidance on face masks in labour was first published in July 2020, but a senior director of professional midwifery told BBC News some health professionals may not understand the guidance, meaning some pregnant women are needlessly asked to wear face masks while in labour.“All health professionals from the beginning of the pandemic were having to respond to such rapid guidance and change all of the time,” Dr Mary Ross Davie, director of Professional Midwifery, Royal College of Midwives said.“For many on the clinical front line they have found it really difficult to keep up to date with what the latest guidance is.“I think sometimes what has happened is that some health professionals may not have understood when someone is in labour they should be exempt from wearing a mask.”Rosie Brown, 39, from London, also gave birth in December, to her third child.She says she was told to wear a face mask by maternity staff while she was in advanced labour. She has a condition called emetophobia, which is a phobia of vomiting, so while she was wearing the mask, she was having panic attacks. She ripped it off at one point but was told she had to put it back on.“I felt like I was dying, because I was in so much pain,” she says. “The mask smelt like vomit and it made me really nauseous, and when I feel like I’m going to be sick, I start to panic. So in amongst the claustrophobia and the pain, I was frightened that I was going to be sick inside my mask.“I was just so frightened and the whole thing was so scary.” Celia Venables, head of communications for Pregnant Then Screwed, said the charity has spoken to a number of women who say wearing a mask added complications and distress for them during labour.“We had one lady who vomited, we had others who have been unable to breathe,” she said. “These are things that are avoidable and that’s just simply by following the guidance.” HuffPost UK has contacted the Department of Health and Social Care in relation to the report and will update this article with any response we receive.Related...We Can't Wear Face Masks, Don't Shame Us, Say Those With Invisible IllnessesDavina McCall: Menopausal Women Are Facing A ‘Pandemic Of Injustice’Pregnant Women 'Passed From Pillar To Post' For Covid VaccineHow To Tell If A Friend Is Struggling With Anxiety During Pregnancy
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