Subconsciously pining for a resurgence in traditional masculinity.We are enamored with the classically masculine archetypes that proliferate our favorite movies, books, and TV shows (think Jon Snow, Don Draper, Hank Moody, and Captain America).The blood in our veins rips at the sight of a vicious knockout in the UFC and, as we watch the victor leap to the top of the cage with his arms held high in the air, we can’t help but imagine ourselves standing in his place…the taste of blood on our lips, the deafening roar of the crowd filling our ears, and the inner confidence of knowing that we are capable of handling ourselves in conflict.Yet all of our imagining does little to change the way we feel and show up in life.Despite our desire to “be the man”, to feel strong, accomplished, and powerful…our desires are left unmet.
We are not the hero of our lives so we allay our growing sense of emasculation by watching other hero’s through a steady stream of action movies, video games, and extreme sports.
In the famous words of Bob Dylan, “The times, they are a-changing.” And modern men have failed to evolve with the changing times.As feminism has given rise to unprecedented equality men are faced with a growing and inescapable sense of obsolescence.Men aren’t needed in the way that we once were and, our seeming lack of utility has left men wondering, “What the hell am I supposed to do now?” We no longer have clear roles in society and men all over the world want to know how to be more masculine and even if it’s okay.Women are graduating from college at higher rates than men, landing high-paying careers, able to provide for themselves easily without a man, are starting their own companies (some becoming self-made billionaires like Sarah Blakely and Kylie Jenner), and even running for President of the United States (Hilary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris).These feats, unimaginable only a decade ago, are indeed good things.
And this is in no way a call to regress to the “Good old days” of the past where a woman’s sole purpose was that of the dutiful housewife……Simply an acknowledgment that this unprecedented rise in equality and opportunity has created unforeseen and largely unaddressed problems for modern men.Our physical strength once necessary to protect others from the hidden dangers of life on earth is no longer needed…Our capacity as providers of resources and security is no longer needed…Men are today more than ever before confused about what it means to be a man (let alone an attractive man) and what our role is in our rapidly changing society.From a young age, we are told to be quiet, sit still, follow the rules, listen to mommy, obey the teacher and avoid any display of aggression, talking back or acts of “masculinity”.
Not only are we not taught how to be a masculine man (or how to be masculine at all), but we are actively discouraged from seeking these answers for ourselves.Doctors give us drugs for any minor symptoms which then sedate our lust for adventure and ability to create heroic lives.
Teachers disparage us for our inability to sit still and pay attention and encourage us to fit in like the rest of the class, stick to the status quo, and avoid standing out.
